The Subtle Art of Tact

Dear Plus-Sized Females: Just because they make a bikini (or any other skimpy article of clothing) in your size doesn't mean you should wear it.


I am so sick of plus-sized girls thinking they have the bodies of skinny girls. If there's a fat roll over the top of your bikini bottom, you probably should not be going out in public like that. If your boobs pop out of every single shirt you wear, I'd probably buy a bigger size. If you have to lay down to button your jeans, either eat less salt or buy different pants.


I'm all for being confident in your body type. Heck, I'm a plus-sized girl, and I'm perfectly fine with it. However, we do not want to see all the goods hanging out of your clothing, and especially, out of your bikini.


Fact: Plus-sized females wear a size 12 or above. Now, let's face it: a size 12 really isn't all that big, but whatever, that's our fashion industry for you. Now let's say you go into a store and are looking for a bathing suit. You find a very nice, tactful one piece (maybe even with a little skirt to hide the tops of your thighs) in the plus-sized section in a size 20. Next to it is a bikini, again in a size 20, that you think is equally cute.


Here's where the mind struggle comes in. Obviously you like the bikini, and men obviously like bikinis, too. It's in your size and will accommodate your protruding stomach, your less-than-small bust, and your bigger thighs (mainly because there's not much restricting them). Also, if it's made in your size, then you'll obviously look good in it. You decide on the bikini, and the next day, you head to the pool.


Let us, if you will, go over the many reasons plus-sized girls should choose more modest swimwear. Reason 1: Where did it go?




Reason 2: Boobs! Boobs everywhere! Don't get too close, or you'll poke your eye out.





And finally, reason 3: I don't think she's pregnant.





So as you can see, there are three very strong arguments against what happens when a plus-sized female purchases and proceeds to wear a bikini. Now, let us explore a few types of swimwear that are actually FLATTERING to a fuller frame.





As you can see, this one piece creates a nice line, emphasizing the hour-glass figure.





This choice (one of my favorites) still shows the chest area, but opts for a "dress/skirt" style that hides a bigger tummy.





And finally, this design shows that plus-sized girls can have fun, too! Notice how the exotic design again hides any bumps and creases of which you may be weary.


Without sounding too much like an advertisement for a clothing store, my point is this: it's a lot more flattering and lot more sexy if you hide what you have and choose clothing that flatters your shape. Not mention, it's a lot more respectful of those that have to see you! I don't want to be exposed to those images being seared in my brain for hours/days on end. Plus, where's the mystery? I'm sure if you ask any man, I'm sure that 9 times out of 10, they would want you to cover up and smooth down those curves.

Letting Go

It is a woman's nature to hold on as tightly as possible to the things that mean the most to her. Her "skinny" jeans. An old photograph. A card from her 16th birthday. A rose from her first boyfriend. The boyfriend himself. Some guys do this too, but I have found that the ones that do are few and far between. I am pretty certain it is a scientific fact that women invest more into events or relationships than men do, but that is an entirely separate post.


So the case in point is that we hold on to these objects because we can feel them, see them, taste them, and smell them. To us, they are physical representations of a past life-- perhaps one that was more vital and interesting than the one in which we currently exist. These objects provide comfort to us in times of sadness, and we seem to do anything we can to hold onto them as long as possible.


Well, forget that.


Here I am, 25 years old, and I'm up to my eyeballs in useless crap. Tell me what an old gymnastics ribbon is going to do for me now? Remind me that I can do a split? I do not need it, and the quicker you figure out that neither do you, the better.


Think about it. It technically isn't the objects that we are holding onto; they are just reminders of memories of which we can't let go. They are the memories that we need to keep. So now, I'm 25, and I'm unable to fully live my life and give myself chances to create new memories because I am so weighted down with old ones. Tell me: is this fair?


What was that terrible Eminem song? "Cleanin' Out My Closet?" Well, I think it would do all of us some good to clean out our closets... literally and figuratively. We can't continue to allow ourselves to swim in the oceans of memories of past lives. We will never be able to live in the present.


And if you can't live in the present, then life will pass us by without us even noticing. All the sudden, we are 50 years old, alone, and waiting for our chance at a new beginning.


You may be wondering what spurred this "divine revelation" I am having (or not, it's whatev), and it is okay to wonder. Honestly, it is a book. Well, WAS a book. For the past 3 months, I have had this book sitting on my nightstand waiting for me to read. It was given to me by a person that meant a lot to me, but things did not work out. However, because of the cowardice ways of the other party, I am left with this book, and it has been staring me in the face for too long. I will not read it, and it is obviously not going back to its previous owner. Therefore, I am donating it.


Books are meant to be read, and it is not fair for it to just sit on a desk, alone, and falling short of its potential. Someone else should have it and make their own memories with it. I am sure they will need it more than I ever will.


We too often associate our memories with tangible objects, and over time, our lives are filled with nothing but these constant reminders of things that did not work out, or times when we were skinner, or boys that turned into boyfriends that turned into distance memories. We do not need them. Every day, we should wake up with a fresh start and a clean slate, so today, I am cleaning out my closets. All the skeletons, the bad memories, the wilted flowers, the jeans that do not fit, and the wrinkled photographs because I know that only the good memories will remain in my heart.

Welcome!

Ok, I know that you're probably thinking, "Why is this crazy girl adding a 'Welcome!' post after she's already posted 21 entries?" Fair enough. I used to house my blog on MySpace, but the growing number of creepers who would send me unwanted messages has driven me to the decision that MySpace is Stalker Central. Therefore, viola! Welcome to my NewSpace!

The previous 21 entries were taken from my previous blog and added here for a few reasons. One, I really liked these entries and wanted to save them, and two, I wanted my new readers (if any) to get a good understanding of who I am. Hopefully, they'll make you keep coming back for more!

I'd like to also add a disclaimer to this site. This blog will be based on my opinions, thoughts, feelings, and reactions toward things I see, hear, or experience. They are not intended to persuade, judge, or even change your own opinions. People that know me well enough know that I like discussion for discussion's sake, and I will never argue with anyone. However, I do openly welcome any comments that will not only continue the discussion, but also offer up your own personal experiences or points of view, and maybe even make me second guess my own.

This blog is purely for your entertainment (and to practice freedom of speech, of course!). I'll probably not update it everyday.

I feel like I should take a second to explain the title, "Trading Simple Wars." One of my favorite quotations (and one I try to constantly remind myself of) goes something like this: "Be kinder than necessary, because everyone you meet is fighting some sort of battle."

This blog represents my own battle, and I hope you take a chance to comment on some of these entries with YOUR own battle. The wars we face everyday will one day mean everything in the world to you, and we all need to learn to appreciate the struggle.

I hope you enjoy my humorous anecdotes, my struggles, my pain, my joys, and my experiences.

As always, if you don't like what you're reading, feel free to click that little "x" at the top right (or left for those terrible Mac users) corner of your screen! :)

Bigger and Better

I was talking with a friend of mine last night about the amazing new purchases I made this weekend that added 14 new DVDs to my collection. (That's right, 14. Thank you, Blockbuster.) I started ranting (go figure) about how I was going to be so pissed off when they started making something over than DVDs because I refuse to start my collection over (again-- remember VHSs?). His response was, "Um, hello, BluRays."


Okay, I don't know if you know me very well, or even if you know me at all, but I'm a traditionalist in some respects. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. That's my philosophy. Anyway.


BluRays. Who gives a crap. It's basically a DVD that looks better on a High Def. TV, which, by the way, I do not own. Why do I need a flat screen television when the two I own work perfectly fine? Seriously, I think it is just a ploy for companies to make us want something BIGGER and BETTER. I own a gazillion VHS tapes, and I am NOT ASHAMED TO ADMIT IT. My entire Disney collection is on VHS, and I own TWO, count 'em TWO, VHS players. My children will watch Disney on VHS just like I did. I will not wait for them to come out of the "vault" that does not even exist.


There is no reason I need to feel like I am in the middle of the movie I'm watching. I watch a lot of action movies, so I seriously do not think I need to feel like I am in the middle of a gun fight between Angelina Jolie and whatever dude she is trying to kill one minute and trying to sleep with the next (which, by the way, get a new agent, Angelina, because you are seriously stuck in a rut). There is absolutely no need to go and spend hundreds, maybe even thousands, of dollars on a new TV when the ones I own work perfectly fine.


The same goes for DVDs.


Even if DVD players go off the market (which I do not see anytime soon, considering I can still buy a VHS player), I can continue to play my DVDs in a BluRay player. That that, my friend said, "Well, you can't play BluRays in a DVD player." Who honestly gives a crap? I do not own a BluRay disc, so why do I care if I can't play them in a DVD player?


Soon enough, scientists will start cloning the actors and shipping them off to houses to re-enact the entire movie for us while we sit on our couches anyway, so what is the damn point?


Why are we always conditioned to want something more, something bigger, something better? Take the new Apple 4G phone, for example. Apple comes out with a new iPhone every single year. They market the hell out of it, and people stand in line for hours trying to get it. It is a phone, not the answer to world hunger. Plus, there is always a problem with it. That is what happens when companies fight to out-do themselves over and over again... you end up with a sub-par product that you will have more trouble returning or troubleshooting that you did standing in line for hours to buy.


Dishwashers is another thing. I never grew up with a dishwasher, and I never intend to have a dishwasher. A few reasons: 1) I see so many commercials about how this product leaves residue and that produce does not actually get the dishes clean (ew, gross), and 2) Why do I need a dishwasher when I have perfect capability of washing the dishes myself? The way I see it is if I wash them myself, then I KNOW they are clean! Why run them through the dishwasher when, in the end, I'll probably just have to hand-wash them again anyway.


Hey, before you know it, your iPhone will be able to wash your dishes for you, anyway.


Moral of the story is this: society instills this need within us that we never quite have it good enough, and I do not think that is any way to live. We don't have the best TV, so we go out and buy a High Def. TV. We do not have the best, most technologically-advanced phone, so we stand in line for a device that could rule the world. We don't own the newest kind of movie product, so we spend $25 on buying a BluRay movie we already own on DVD, and of course, the $150 dollars on the player to play said BluRay movie. But remember, BluRay movies don't do anything unless you have the High Def. TV, so now we're back to square one. It's absolutely ridiculous.


What happened to the time when we were perfectly content with indoor plumbing? No, we just HAD to have the brushed chrome fixtures and the rain shower head and the jacuzzi hot tub that doubles as a hurricane barrack. We are never satisfied with anything less than the best, and I am getting rather sick of it! Be happy that you have two hands to wash dishes with, and be happy that you have electricity to power your television, and be happy that you have a phone that does nothing but make emergency phone calls.


I hope I never see the day where we never have to get out of bed in order to live a healthy, happy life.

Don't Skip This Part

Elmore Leonard once wrote: "I try to leave out the parts that people skip." I guess I should have added that Elmore Leonard is a fairly well-known writer and screenwriter, so obviously this quotation pertains to his writing technique. Anyway, that's honestly neither here nor there (or anywhere).


It got me thinking how closely our lives mimic what we read. Now, my life is no "To Kill a Mockingbird" storyline, and I pray to God it's no "Twilight" saga either (although I wouldn't mind having an Edward around), but it's kind of ironic: authors write tales that mirror human existence, and we then read those stories to escape our own being. We wish upon wish and hope upon hope that our lives would be as interesting or less dramatic or as romantic or more thrilling-- anything to make it like what we are reading.


Now, from an author's perspective, they try to make it so you just can not put the book down. They want their readers so engulfed in the lives and stories and shortcomings of the characters that they just HAVE to know what happens next. But here we are, reading this epic tale, engrossed in every last detail, and we probably never stop to think that these narrations that we spend so much time reading really are not that synonymous with real life. Even Leonard says that he leaves out all the parts that people would skip.


But here's the thing: the parts that people would skip when reading a book... THOSE are of what our day-to-day lives consist. THOSE parts are actually realistic. THOSE parts get us from one fight scene to the next. The fillers are what makes our lives flow, connect, and what brings color into our lives.


Maybe I'm a realist, and maybe it is just because I get annoyed with the abundance of alien/vampire/wizard/dinosaur/big scary monster movies that are released, but if you ask me, documentaries and biographies are the best kinds of cinema out there. They give you the real view on a subject-- they let the audience become privy to everything, not just what would make a good scene.


Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Now, I'll venture a guess and say that Isaac Newton was a tad more scientific than Elmore Leonard, but truth be told that the same is true of events. The Chaos Theory even states that something as small as the flutter of a butterfly's wing can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world. Every action we take has a consequence, even if it is just not tying our shoes tight enough in the morning.


So why do we skip out on the parts that take us from one fleeting love affair, or one exciting fight scene, or one life-changing moment, to the next?

De-Sensitizing the Nation, One Naked Butt at a Time

I will start this entry off by saying one thing: don't go see Sex in the City 2. It's not worth the time wasted or the $7.75 you'll pay for the ticket.


With that being said, in comparison to the first Sex and the City, the naked scenes were severely lacking in this sequel. Now, I do not particularly care to see the naked scenes (all in all, they make me a tad uncomfortable), but with a book/TV series/movie that is known to push the proverbial envelope, I was disappointed to see that they really toned it down in this movie.


There were a few naked butts, but that's about it.


Which brings me to my point. I was talking with a friend of mine about the minimal nudity in the movie, and we started discussing how completely de-sensitized we've become as a whole that sight of naked butts don't even affect us anymore. This got me really thinking about how the general audience has changed, considering one particular theme in this movie.


Carrie and Big are laying in bed watching an old black and white movie. In this movie, there is a lady who is trying to catch a ride or a cab or some sort of motor transportation, and she lifts her long skirt to show her leg. This, of course, catches the attention of an oncoming driver. Now, in the time of black and whites, this action was considered taboo.


But now, would we even blink an eye? I've done that (in jest, mind you), but I thought nothing of it. It's sad, to be honest.


I'm an old romantic at heart, and I would have given anything to live in the time of black and white movies and chivalry and men who would retire to the sitting room to have a cigar and brandy after dinner. So why do we let ourselves play into the expected roles of our time?


I'm fairly certain it is because of things like this that our moral character has completely gone down the crapper. If we can't even see a naked butt and get a little squirmy, how are we supposed to uphold any sort of moral obligation for ourselves? Those of us who still try to keep a modicum of decency and allure are in the minority, and in a lot of cases, we're thought of as "prude" and "uptight," whereas 50 years ago, it would have been the harlequins and streetwalkers that would be getting the sharp looks and poignant descriptions.


What has our society come to?


I'm all for evolution of thought and forward-thinking and progress, but can't we do all those things and still keep our moral obligations to not only ourselves, but to others? If my grandmother would have been sitting in the movie theater watching this naked butt with me (can I say, awkward?), she would have been appalled. In her time, when Clark Gable said, "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn," she probably covered her ears. Gentlemen and Ladies just don't talk/act that way.


I don't know. All I'm saying is that we seriously need to re-evaluate what we've become when nudity doesn't even make us blink an eye anymore.

I Live in WV, Which is Nowhere Near Richmond

Seriously, guys. Having a West Virginia driver's license does not equate to being toothless, barefoot, inbred hillbillies that live in a scene straight out of Deliverance. I don't even know how to play the banjo, let alone two at the same time.


I am a born-and-raised West Virginia girl. I am twenty-four years old, and I have no children. I have every single one of my REAL teeth, and I own numerous pairs of shoes (too many, in fact). My mother is my mother, and my father is my father; they are still married and do not live in a trailer. And no, I am NOT my own grandma.


I am so sick and tired of these cultural cliches that surround West Virginia and Appalachia in general. It's not our fault there are mountains everywhere, and some of us live in a holler. Holler is actually a technical term, did you know that? It's a derivative of "hollow" with the meaning of "a small valley between mountains." If there are mountains, there will be valleys. Where there are valleys, there is land. Where there is land, there are houses. Deal with it.


My time as an Admissions Counselor has taught me a lot of things, but most of all, I have figured out just how ignorant most people really are. I travel Virginia, Maryland, and DC. Let me preface this next statement by saying all three of the aforementioned areas border West Virginia. I do not comprehend how parents and their children do not realize that West Virginia is an entirely different state than Virginia. I'm sorry-- didn't West Virginia break away from Virginia after the Wheeling Conventions in, oh, 1863, or am I not remember this correctly?


My favorite question I get from families at college fairs is, "Where are you all located?" First of all, that question is grammatically incorrect (and they say West Virginians ain't smart). Now, this is my favorite question to be asked because there are so many ways this conversation could go. I normally reply with something to the effect of, "We are located in north-central West Virginia, about (fill in approximation of hours here) away from (enter current location here) in a town named Philippi."


This is where things start to get interesting.


I have received numerous responses to my reply, some of which are normal and, surprisingly, they have heard of Philippi before. Those responses are dull, and I, for your reading pleasure, won't list them here. Other responses I get go like this:

"North... Central... West... Virginia. Wow, that's a lot of directions in there." (insert laughter) (insert my polite smile)

"Oh. (head nod). Philippi. How close is that to Richmond?"

"West Virginia, huh? Are there cows that roam around your campus?"

"Your school's in West Virginia? Do you all (ughhhhhhh) have dorms, or are there apartments nearby? Well, probably trailers, right?"

"West Virginia! Well all be! And you have all your teeth, too!" (This is real response, I promise you. It happened to me tonight.)


Phyllis Moore coined the term "PI-WASH," which means "Poor, Inbred, White, Appalachain, Shoeless Hillbilly." I am none of those, thank you, and I would appreciate it if you would not reduce my home state down to such tasteless, trashy cliches.


Long rant short. You're standing there calling me stupid because I'm from West Virginia, but you don't even realize there is a 35th state. I had to learn all 50 states and capitols in high school. Didn't you, or did you just skip over number 35? West Virginia is apparently the "13th floor" in a hotel. But I will tell you one thing, the 14th floor is really the 13th. Don't believe me? Ask Mitch Hedberg. "If you jump out of the window, you will die earlier."