So I had a lot of time to do some thinking this weekend. Thinking about life, about feelings, and about expectations. Expectations that we not only put on other people, but more importantly, ones that we place on ourselves.
I am the queen of self-inflicted expectations. I tell myself over and over again that I'm not "this" enough, or I'm not "that" enough. I set my standards and goals for myself so incredibly high that it almost seems that I WANT myself to fail. I can't reach these goals; I can't exceed these standards. I can't even come close. So I started to wonder: why do we always have higher expectations for ourselves?
I'm still not exactly sure that I understand the answer to question, or even if there is a set explanation, but here is what I think: I think the explanation is two-fold. I think we place higher expectations on ourselves because we like to be challenged. And then, once we do not meet these expectations, we beat ourselves up. Some of us overcome the defeat and try again. Others lower their expectations and move on. Either way, I am convinced that we are gluttons for punishment. I think part of us really wants to fail just to see how human we really are.
I have learned more about myself in my times of defeat than in my times of celebration.
In another vein...
Speaking from personal experience: I was talking with a friend yesterday and updating him on some things in my life. We started talking about relationships, and he said to me, "Whatever guy you end up with will be as close to perfect as perfect can get because you've got extremely high standards." That made my stop for a second and really think about what I look for in the opposite sex. Then I started to get a little angry.
Is it so wrong to want someone who can carry on intelligent conversation with something other than a bartender? Why can't I expect to meet someone who has goals and aspirations and a Plan B? I think it's completely feasible to imagine myself with an incredible sense of humor, and I don't think it's too much to ask for this guy to be a bit cultured. Since when does expecting the person you will spend the rest of your life with to have a standard grasp of the English language with a purpose in life constitute setting high expectations?
Don't I deserve to want certain things out of a life partner? I wrote an earlier blog about having a "type" and "limiting oneself" at only looking at one specific type of person. I'd like to clarify my current stance on the situation by saying these things that I am looking for aren't superficial and won't fade with time.
After my anger faded and I actually got a chance to sit and think about this statement that was made, Maybe I do have high expectations for my significant other, but that is only a reflection of who I am and who I want to be. I set high goals for myself: I wanted a college education; I wanted a salaried position; I want to go to grad school; I want to make a difference in others' lives and the world; I want to be financially stable; I want to utilize every gift that God has given me to its full potential; I want to be well-rounded; I want to understand English/Literature/Music/Science/Math/etc.
If I want all these things for myself, why wouldn't I want them for someone else? Especially someone I want looking to spend the rest of my life with? It just doesn't make sense. I don't want to work at a gas station all my life, so why would I want my husband to do that?
I am the queen of self-inflicted expectations. I tell myself over and over again that I'm not "this" enough, or I'm not "that" enough. I set my standards and goals for myself so incredibly high that it almost seems that I WANT myself to fail. I can't reach these goals; I can't exceed these standards. I can't even come close. So I started to wonder: why do we always have higher expectations for ourselves?
I'm still not exactly sure that I understand the answer to question, or even if there is a set explanation, but here is what I think: I think the explanation is two-fold. I think we place higher expectations on ourselves because we like to be challenged. And then, once we do not meet these expectations, we beat ourselves up. Some of us overcome the defeat and try again. Others lower their expectations and move on. Either way, I am convinced that we are gluttons for punishment. I think part of us really wants to fail just to see how human we really are.
I have learned more about myself in my times of defeat than in my times of celebration.
In another vein...
Speaking from personal experience: I was talking with a friend yesterday and updating him on some things in my life. We started talking about relationships, and he said to me, "Whatever guy you end up with will be as close to perfect as perfect can get because you've got extremely high standards." That made my stop for a second and really think about what I look for in the opposite sex. Then I started to get a little angry.
Is it so wrong to want someone who can carry on intelligent conversation with something other than a bartender? Why can't I expect to meet someone who has goals and aspirations and a Plan B? I think it's completely feasible to imagine myself with an incredible sense of humor, and I don't think it's too much to ask for this guy to be a bit cultured. Since when does expecting the person you will spend the rest of your life with to have a standard grasp of the English language with a purpose in life constitute setting high expectations?
Don't I deserve to want certain things out of a life partner? I wrote an earlier blog about having a "type" and "limiting oneself" at only looking at one specific type of person. I'd like to clarify my current stance on the situation by saying these things that I am looking for aren't superficial and won't fade with time.
After my anger faded and I actually got a chance to sit and think about this statement that was made, Maybe I do have high expectations for my significant other, but that is only a reflection of who I am and who I want to be. I set high goals for myself: I wanted a college education; I wanted a salaried position; I want to go to grad school; I want to make a difference in others' lives and the world; I want to be financially stable; I want to utilize every gift that God has given me to its full potential; I want to be well-rounded; I want to understand English/Literature/Music/Science/Math/etc.
If I want all these things for myself, why wouldn't I want them for someone else? Especially someone I want looking to spend the rest of my life with? It just doesn't make sense. I don't want to work at a gas station all my life, so why would I want my husband to do that?
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