Love. Expectation.

I was thinking how I wanted to start this blog with something commanding and powerful, because that, to me, is how love is. I wanted to make some statement that would drastically change your outlook on love and would make you, if you don't already, believe in its powers. And this is what I came up with.

"Love conquers all."

YAWN. So, never mind the grandeur of that beginning and let's move on. I had a conversation with a friend last night about relationships, dating, love, and the expectations we put on all the above.




THE "TYPE"
I think we all have a "type" of person to whom we are attracted.

a. physical
We all have physical features that we find attractive in the opposite sex-- hair color, eye color, straight teeth, thin, thick, short, tall-- and these features are what initially attract us. They are what make us go up to someone and start a conversation (unless you'll talk to anyone, which is usually my case) in hopes of having an outcome resembling a date or intimate relationship.

So we have this idea in our heads of what turns us on. But by having an idea in your head that says, "okay, I like red heads that are shorter than me," are you limiting yourself? Are you passing up a potentially awesome individual because they happen to have brown hair and are taller than you? After all, these physical features we are attracted to are just that... physical. People dye their hair all the time, and looks only last so long. They eventually fade, your face eventually gets wrinkles, your boobs and ass sag, and you're not as flexible as you used to be.

b. mental
Then, AFTER we make that initial meeting, we actually start to talk to the person and get to know them. This is where the mental attraction kicks in. Are they smart? Can they put a proper sentence together using correct grammar? Do they enjoy reading? Do they have a good sense of humor? Do they have beliefs and opinions and fears and hopes and aspirations?

Now, this is where most people lose each other. Either they're physically attracted to someone who has no mind, and that's what they like, or they're physically attracted to someone and, upon getting to know the other person, find out they clash terribly and decide to go their separate ways. But here are my questions:




1. By stating we have a "type" we know we are attracted to, are we limiting ourselves from other options out there?
I think the answer is two-fold. On one hand, I think it's good to know what we like and don't like when it comes to someone's looks. On the other hand, though, if you tell yourself that you are only open to communication with people who fit into the mold you've contrived in your head, then the answer is "yes," you are limiting yourself.

Like I said before. Looks fade. Your significant other will not always be a size 2; they will not always look great naked; they will not always have their hair color. I think it’s important to keep yourself open to all different kinds of people, because you never know when your type could change or even if you’re attracted to a different kind of person. I don’t think it’s fair to put limitations on the possibility of love, and it’s definitely not fair to put limitations on yourself.

2. Should more emphasis be put upon physical or mental features?

Clearly, if you don’t already know someone, everyone tends to be initially attracted to the physical features, but I think by no means that it is the most important part of a person.

3. Should we care what others think about our significant other and our relationship?

I think we care too much about what people think in general. And if we’re in a relationship, we’re already making ourselves more vulnerable to someone else, so it’s very easy to feel uneasy when others question our intentions and feelings. However, I don’t think that we should be putting emphasis on what others think about the relationship. After all, in the end, who goes home with who?

4. Can someone's looks change after you get to know them, therefore making them either less or more attractive to you?

I absolutely believe that looks can change after you get to know a person. That’s why some people think their significant other is the most beautiful person in the world, even if their physical features aren’t what typical society would think of as “attractive.” I don’t believe anyone who says you can’t become more or less attracted to someone after getting to know them. Seriously, if that were the case, all couples in the world would spend their days just sitting and staring at each other because that’s the only thing they found good about the other person.

I think that once you get to know someone, their mind, their heart, etc., you either become more attracted to them and their appearance changes, too.

5. Why do we date?

Well, my grandma always told me that you date to spend time with someone. I think that’s crap. I can spend time with a lot of people and not date them. I think you go through the primal ritual of dating to get married. Dating is a means to an end. You shouldn’t date to fill your time because you’re bored or because you haven’t dated someone in a long time. You DEFINTELY shouldn’t date to “get some.” When you do that, you end up hurting the other person in the process, and that’s just not fair.

general commentary.

I guess my thing is this. I've been single for a long time. I'm 24 and have had 1.5 boyfriends. I say 1.5 because I dated a guy for awhile, was dumped, then the next summer, "talked" to a guy who said he couldn't call me his girlfriend until I lost weight because, basically, he cared a lot about what people thought about him and us. He was studying to be a minister, too. I'd love to see how he would treat people in HIS church. Anyway. I don't care to fill my time with people who aren't worth my time. That's obvious, considering decisions I've made in the past 5 months, 5 days, and even past 24 hours.

Yes, I say that I have a "type," but I don't put limitations on myself. I fell completely in love with my best friend who, by no means, was my physical or mental type. Half the time, he didn't understand what I was talking about because either he didn't get my weird innuendos/pop culture references, or he was too preoccupied with his life to ask what I meant. We laughed a lot, though, and that's important to me. He cared a lot for other people's kids, and all in all, his intentions were usually in the right place, but his follow-thru sucked. So why did I love him so much? He wasn't all that physically attractive to me, but I saw his heart, and I think that in the end, that's what matters.

You fall in love with someone's heart, not with someone's pant size or color of eyes. You fall in love with someone's passions, their hopes, their dreams, their aspirations, their mind, and their child-like manner. At least I did. I'm not sure if you can ever truly stop loving someone.

Most of all, don't sell yourself short. Don't think that you'll never find someone because you're too picky or whatever. It's okay to be picky, but if you're picky, you can't close yourself off to any encounter or opportunity. You never know if your soulmate is someone who doesn't attract you physically at first, but gets you with their mind and heart.