Seriously, guys. Having a West Virginia driver's license does not equate to being toothless, barefoot, inbred hillbillies that live in a scene straight out of Deliverance. I don't even know how to play the banjo, let alone two at the same time.
I am a born-and-raised West Virginia girl. I am twenty-four years old, and I have no children. I have every single one of my REAL teeth, and I own numerous pairs of shoes (too many, in fact). My mother is my mother, and my father is my father; they are still married and do not live in a trailer. And no, I am NOT my own grandma.
I am so sick and tired of these cultural cliches that surround West Virginia and Appalachia in general. It's not our fault there are mountains everywhere, and some of us live in a holler. Holler is actually a technical term, did you know that? It's a derivative of "hollow" with the meaning of "a small valley between mountains." If there are mountains, there will be valleys. Where there are valleys, there is land. Where there is land, there are houses. Deal with it.
My time as an Admissions Counselor has taught me a lot of things, but most of all, I have figured out just how ignorant most people really are. I travel Virginia, Maryland, and DC. Let me preface this next statement by saying all three of the aforementioned areas border West Virginia. I do not comprehend how parents and their children do not realize that West Virginia is an entirely different state than Virginia. I'm sorry-- didn't West Virginia break away from Virginia after the Wheeling Conventions in, oh, 1863, or am I not remember this correctly?
My favorite question I get from families at college fairs is, "Where are you all located?" First of all, that question is grammatically incorrect (and they say West Virginians ain't smart). Now, this is my favorite question to be asked because there are so many ways this conversation could go. I normally reply with something to the effect of, "We are located in north-central West Virginia, about (fill in approximation of hours here) away from (enter current location here) in a town named Philippi."
This is where things start to get interesting.
I have received numerous responses to my reply, some of which are normal and, surprisingly, they have heard of Philippi before. Those responses are dull, and I, for your reading pleasure, won't list them here. Other responses I get go like this:
"North... Central... West... Virginia. Wow, that's a lot of directions in there." (insert laughter) (insert my polite smile)
"Oh. (head nod). Philippi. How close is that to Richmond?"
"West Virginia, huh? Are there cows that roam around your campus?"
"Your school's in West Virginia? Do you all (ughhhhhhh) have dorms, or are there apartments nearby? Well, probably trailers, right?"
"West Virginia! Well all be! And you have all your teeth, too!" (This is real response, I promise you. It happened to me tonight.)
Phyllis Moore coined the term "PI-WASH," which means "Poor, Inbred, White, Appalachain, Shoeless Hillbilly." I am none of those, thank you, and I would appreciate it if you would not reduce my home state down to such tasteless, trashy cliches.
Long rant short. You're standing there calling me stupid because I'm from West Virginia, but you don't even realize there is a 35th state. I had to learn all 50 states and capitols in high school. Didn't you, or did you just skip over number 35? West Virginia is apparently the "13th floor" in a hotel. But I will tell you one thing, the 14th floor is really the 13th. Don't believe me? Ask Mitch Hedberg. "If you jump out of the window, you will die earlier."
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