I don't really have any rants or complaints this evening, other than the fact my right foot hurts for some reason. But tonight, something became very clear to me when I was talking to a friend. Hope, and why do we have or lack it?
Think of it this way. I once read this book called "All Familes are Psychotic." I never understood how true the title is. Every family has it's little quarks, making each one both unique and equally as crazy. No matter what your home life was like, is like, or should be like, we all find ourselves wondering if we're the only person in the entire world whose family is the way it is. I love my family dearly, and we've been through extremely rough patches throughout the years, but at the end of the day, we love each other, and that's all the matters. It doesn't matter how many words were thrown crossways, how many doors were slammed, how many pillows were screamed into, how many tears hit the floor, or how many exasperated sighs were uttered. It all comes down to family in the end.
But I think there's still a tiny part of each and every one of us that hopes things could have been different. Maybe one less door had been slammed, or that one word that sent someone over the edge had failed to reach your lips. Or even that tiny hope for a "normal" family. I'm using the family analogy because I think each of us can relate to it. We've all been there, and if you haven't then, well, consider yourself one of the lucky ones. (Either that or you've failed to admit to yourself that you either want or at one point wanted change in your life)
I think we all, as humans possessing a heart, soul, and mind, regardless of religious affiliations, are hoping for something. We all hope for a better job, a bigger paycheck, a sunny day, an eternal resting place, an answer to a question, a person to share our love and life with, or a really good story to tell our friends. We hope for a brighter future for the kids of today, or medical care for everyone, or to not be alone when it's storming outside. There's always going to be a void in our lives that we fill with the possible hope for something.
Why do we hope so much? Why do we so badly want to put so much importance on something that could be? We don't know if our hopes will become reality, but the thought of "hoping" is so attractive to us. Is it because we are lacking emotionally or spiritually? "Faith, hope, and love," right? I Corinthians 13:13 says, "Right now three things remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." We have faith, therefore we hope for the strength for something or for a certain outcome to a certain event. "But the greatest of these is love." So we think and hope that love will conquer all. I don't know. It may just be me, but I think the idea of hoping is a shallow attempt of filling a hole in our lives.
What good does it do to hope for something? We can't change anything. Christianity teaches us about predestination, where God has everything planned out for us before we're born, and free will, what I understand to be something along the lines of The Price is Right. There are three doors from which to choose. You have the free will to choose whichever door (or path) to take, and God knows what's behind that door, therefore He will offer three more, and so on and so on. At least that's how I view it... a combination of both. But with either predestination or free will, we can't change the outcome. It's still all "God-led," with an ultimate ending and goal. What does hoping do for us, other than make us disappointed when things don't go the way we wanted them to?
Even if you're not Christian, and you don't believe in God or a higher power who will eventually fill your ultimate goal, do YOU think hoping for something to happen or get better or change actually works? Seriously. My point is that it's the same concept when you put a quarter into a stupid machine at an arcade trying to win a prize. You don't know what the outcome will be, so don't get your hopes up.
I'm a shameless hope addict. I constantly hope for things to change, for people to see me a certain way, for people to come back into my life, for people to WANT to come back, or best friends who aren't too preoccupied with their own lives, for love, for purpose, for a job, to get out of WV and make it on my own, for there not to be fighting anymore, for there to be no more reasons to cry.
The truth of the matter is this. Some things will never change; some people will always see me in a certain light; some friends are gone forever and will never want to come back; some best friends just become a phone call a week, a call on your birthday, or a Christmas card during the holidays; some people don't love as hard as I do; I may never have a purpose; I may work at Starbucks the rest of my life; I may live and die in Bridgeport, WV; there is always something to fight about and fight for; you'll cry until you're dead.
I can't waste my life hoping that things will get better. I can't waste my life hoping that I was good enough on earth to get into Heaven. I can't waste my life hoping that if maybe one less door was slammed or one less word escaped my lips when I was standing up for something, things would change. I'm done wasting my life, and from now, I'm going to be who I am, take me or leave me, because I can't hope my life and actions and expectations are what someone else wanted.
Think of it this way. I once read this book called "All Familes are Psychotic." I never understood how true the title is. Every family has it's little quarks, making each one both unique and equally as crazy. No matter what your home life was like, is like, or should be like, we all find ourselves wondering if we're the only person in the entire world whose family is the way it is. I love my family dearly, and we've been through extremely rough patches throughout the years, but at the end of the day, we love each other, and that's all the matters. It doesn't matter how many words were thrown crossways, how many doors were slammed, how many pillows were screamed into, how many tears hit the floor, or how many exasperated sighs were uttered. It all comes down to family in the end.
But I think there's still a tiny part of each and every one of us that hopes things could have been different. Maybe one less door had been slammed, or that one word that sent someone over the edge had failed to reach your lips. Or even that tiny hope for a "normal" family. I'm using the family analogy because I think each of us can relate to it. We've all been there, and if you haven't then, well, consider yourself one of the lucky ones. (Either that or you've failed to admit to yourself that you either want or at one point wanted change in your life)
I think we all, as humans possessing a heart, soul, and mind, regardless of religious affiliations, are hoping for something. We all hope for a better job, a bigger paycheck, a sunny day, an eternal resting place, an answer to a question, a person to share our love and life with, or a really good story to tell our friends. We hope for a brighter future for the kids of today, or medical care for everyone, or to not be alone when it's storming outside. There's always going to be a void in our lives that we fill with the possible hope for something.
Why do we hope so much? Why do we so badly want to put so much importance on something that could be? We don't know if our hopes will become reality, but the thought of "hoping" is so attractive to us. Is it because we are lacking emotionally or spiritually? "Faith, hope, and love," right? I Corinthians 13:13 says, "Right now three things remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." We have faith, therefore we hope for the strength for something or for a certain outcome to a certain event. "But the greatest of these is love." So we think and hope that love will conquer all. I don't know. It may just be me, but I think the idea of hoping is a shallow attempt of filling a hole in our lives.
What good does it do to hope for something? We can't change anything. Christianity teaches us about predestination, where God has everything planned out for us before we're born, and free will, what I understand to be something along the lines of The Price is Right. There are three doors from which to choose. You have the free will to choose whichever door (or path) to take, and God knows what's behind that door, therefore He will offer three more, and so on and so on. At least that's how I view it... a combination of both. But with either predestination or free will, we can't change the outcome. It's still all "God-led," with an ultimate ending and goal. What does hoping do for us, other than make us disappointed when things don't go the way we wanted them to?
Even if you're not Christian, and you don't believe in God or a higher power who will eventually fill your ultimate goal, do YOU think hoping for something to happen or get better or change actually works? Seriously. My point is that it's the same concept when you put a quarter into a stupid machine at an arcade trying to win a prize. You don't know what the outcome will be, so don't get your hopes up.
I'm a shameless hope addict. I constantly hope for things to change, for people to see me a certain way, for people to come back into my life, for people to WANT to come back, or best friends who aren't too preoccupied with their own lives, for love, for purpose, for a job, to get out of WV and make it on my own, for there not to be fighting anymore, for there to be no more reasons to cry.
The truth of the matter is this. Some things will never change; some people will always see me in a certain light; some friends are gone forever and will never want to come back; some best friends just become a phone call a week, a call on your birthday, or a Christmas card during the holidays; some people don't love as hard as I do; I may never have a purpose; I may work at Starbucks the rest of my life; I may live and die in Bridgeport, WV; there is always something to fight about and fight for; you'll cry until you're dead.
I can't waste my life hoping that things will get better. I can't waste my life hoping that I was good enough on earth to get into Heaven. I can't waste my life hoping that if maybe one less door was slammed or one less word escaped my lips when I was standing up for something, things would change. I'm done wasting my life, and from now, I'm going to be who I am, take me or leave me, because I can't hope my life and actions and expectations are what someone else wanted.
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